Living for Everly

These past few weeks, there has been a flood of good vibes.  It's made it nearly impossible to have a bad day.  Like I feel good.  Legitimate, not faking a smile, good.  And I know I probably won't always feel this way, the hard days are bound to hit eventually, but that's all the more reason I need to enjoy these times when I am feeling good.  Right now I am genuinely in a good place and I think there are a few big reasons why. I think I can safely attribute 99% of these "good vibes" to blessings from heaven.  I know this sounds super cliche, so let me try and give you something a bit more tangible.  When I say that I am blessed with strength or peace or hope, I mean this very literally.  This isn't a fluffy, "I don't know, I just feel better" kind of thing.  As I mentioned in my first post, when I was still in the position of deciding whether to keep Everly, I was in a dark place.  I truly felt physically incapable of even imagining...

I keep referencing the "lessons I'm learning", so I figured it was time I share a few.  As a disclaimer, I feel like I should already have known 90% of this stuff, so set your expectations low and don't expect anything especially groundbreaking.  And truthfully, I don't think I'm necessarily even learning these things for the first time.  I think in life we learn a lot of lessons over and over again and each time they mean something a little different and each time they sink a little deeper.  In this case, they've sunk a lot deeper.  So maybe a more appropriate title might have been, "Lessons I'm Relearning."  1) Everyone has bad things happen to them. I know guys...big "duh" here.  I told you this wasn't groundbreaking.  When this really hit home for me though, was when I started having dozens of people reaching out, referring me to someone they knew who had lost their infant child.  I started to think, what is up with this...

This week I learned that my unborn baby had a fatal birth defect, one that meant I may never meet her alive and if I do, I will likely have anywhere from minutes to hours to spend with her.  The diagnosis is Anencephaly and it's a neural defect that causes the skull and brain to never fully form.  I received this news at my doctors office, after what I thought was a routine ultrasound, while wrestling my tired, crying 1 year old.  I didn't cry, I just stared.  Stared until I was eventually escorted out of the Doctor's office.  I made it to the car and called Matt at work before bursting into inconsolable tears.   It has been six days since that diagnosis and I have already learned so much about myself, my family, my faith and my priorities.  I wanted to put this experience into words and put it somewhere where others could read it, in hopes that maybe they could take comfort or courage or strength from seeing another work through the extreme di...